|Posted on February 4, 2013 at 10:50 PM|
Keeping the Faith No matter which way it goes.
In this Note. I state my fears, beliefs, and Faith! Just because I feel this way, does not mean my Faith is any less. I am human, and yes, we will feel these things, because we are human. There is so much death around me, and it never helps when I had a child who was on his deathbed. but to be more then thankful that what God has done for us already. I will answer your question now if you have it by the end of this story "WHy does God take some and heal some?" I will answer it this way to the best of my opinion.... I will say this a lot too... We live in a corrupt, and sick and dying world, and No one is immune to it... Since the beginning of time when Adam and eve sinned, we brought death into this world, by listening to the father of lies. so now there is eternal death. BUT JESUS came to bring LIFE, so when and if we die, we will spend eternity with him for those who believe. So when we get plagued with sickness and disease here on earth, that some may live and some may die, this is unfortunatly LIFE, but life itself. God is not happy that one should perish. He weeps with us, understands our pains, and helps us get through. So if one may die with cancer it is not because GOD wanted that person to die, but that we might turn to him in times of trial in sickness and in health before we die!!!
First off I would like to say, That I am super greatful, that I get to look at my son Elijah everyday, and be reminded how awesome my God is!! How He had kept his hand on Elijah this whole time through our journey and before and after. He has Never left our sides, and I am constantly reminded of his Glory by looking at my son. so many miracles he has gone through, even while he still had cancer, still amazes me to this day.
Some of you may not understand what I have to say unless you have been in my shoes, and experienced what we as a family experience. I write this to document and blog about our journey, so I can look back and say, Look what the Lord has done!! Or I remember that!!
Elijah, Grew something in his neck around October of 2010. I went to church myself since all 3 of my boys (including the husband) were sick. Elijah having a 3rd temperature, this time was different. When I came home He grew this massive THING in his neck, in a span of 3 hours. I immidiatly laid my hands on his neck and began to rebuke over whatever it was, in which I didn't know at that time, and began to speak to it to leave and decease and prayed over it! My faith immidiatly rose up. not knowing what it was. That night I gave Elijah Medicine to calm his fever and sent him to bed. All night I was up praying for Elijah. Something in my spirit told me something was wrong.
The next day It hadn't gone away. So I began calling everyone I knew, including the doctor to make a doctors appointment and to get prayer from everyone. I took a few pictures and posted it, to get a few opinions. I was confused and scared. but not as scared as to what was coming into our lives down the road. The Doctor wasn;t sure of what it was and made a few predictions of what he thought what it might have been and gave antibitotics, which did not help. at the end of October about 3-4 week later, the bumps in Elijah's neck grew bigger and bigger. so we were referred to an ENT in which turned and did a biopsy on Elijah. At this time, People were praying that it wasn't a tumor. Everyone around us had Faith and believe Elijah was alright!
I even had people come to me and believe with all their might and tell me that Elijah is ok. A week Later, after sending the biopsy samples to Lucille Packards Childrens Hospital, I recieved a call for me to come down to stanford and talk with doctors, in whom Did NOT want to talk to me over the phone.
At this time My stomach dropped, I felt sick, and I had feared the worst. I had so many friends and Family with support in praying for good news for Elijah. Yes there was Alot of Faith being spoken for him!!
Walking into the office where we had learned Elijah had recieved this cancer called Neuroblastoma. It took us over a week to finally remember and pronounce the word. we had never heard it before. The news spread fast. like lightining hitting a tree. I mean really fast, prayers began being liften up!
We got home and there were friends there ready to give us hugs! And even though we had Faith, the reality was that My son got cancer. Did not mean that our faith was weak, it meant that we live in this corrupted, sick and dying world, that not even God's children are immune to what happens here on Earth, thats the reality!!
The reality also was, FEAR!!! Fear of not knowing the unknown. Fear of my child dying, fear of cancer. Fear of not knowing what to do!!!! In my head, I would think I would be the last person to have a child with cancer. It did not even cross my mind that having a son with autism, then a son with cancer. I even thought, How could God allow this to happen?
Throughout our Journey for the next 2 years, with chemo, radiation, 2 bone marrow transplants and antibody therapy, our story of Elijah spread throughout the world. many prayers for Elijah were being said in different countries! how amazing! in this proccess my Faith began to grow as I watched the reality unfold before my eyes! I have seen Elijah running around his bed during Chemo therapy, to the story of Elijah who stopped walking and ended up in a wheelchair and then began running from his wheel chair. to seeing the tumors just fall out of his neck during surgery. The reality is, FAITH HELPED!! So I believe there is a God and I Believe that Medicine and Doctors only treat the symptoms, but GOD HEALS!!
Jumping ahead to Being cancer free... Our journey continues...
And now here we are FEB. 2nd 2013 We continue to See the doctor every 3 months for our anual testings. Elijah continues to recieve MRI's, Xrays, CT-scans, MIBG's, Labs, Bone marrow biopsies. What I am about to tell you, take a moment and try to understand and put yourself in my shoes! Because it is not an easy road, it is not easy to continue to keep having the faith, really it isn't... Like i said before I am only human, and I have feelings, such as fear sometimes.
In the back of my head When we leave to go the childrens hospital, I have thoughts, thoughts of fear. What is going to happen during these tests? will My son relapse? Hope they don't find any tumors growing back!!?? The reality of ME being a mom, who wants to do everything to protect my son is that I get these thoughts of fear in my mind, because when I look back when we did not know Elijah had cancer, and everyone praying, he still got cancer. who is to say it wont come back?? YES, these are the reality of being human! as much as people want to tell me "OH he will be ok" or "Just keep the faith" Is not an easy thing to do. (easier said then done right?) It is tough, having to sit there for 6 hours in agony in thoughts with fear. I torcher myself sometimes, I shouldn't be doing that, but I do.
But All I can remember, is in the beginning when he was going through the same tests when we learned he had cancer, remember our pains, our hurts, our confusion etc etc. So when I go for these tests, this is still a trying time for me and my family. We have to go back and remember what kind of FAITH we had during his treatments! we are constantly reminded how much Faith is needed to help keep Elijah Cancer free!! And think to yourselves for a second.. WHAT IF HIS CANCER COMES BACK???? will I lose my Faith because it came back? NO!! or will I continue to trust in the Lord no matter the circumstance?? (yes!!) The reality is, we will get sick, but will you have Faith in God during our times of reality??? It is truly hard, every 3 months, when Elijah is undergoing his tests. So keep in mind that depression wants to set in, fear wants to come in... So when you do pray for us, be reminded it is hard to keep having the faith.
I will say this now, that I said all that.... FAITH OVERCOMES REALITY!!!! When my heart is racing, and I recieve anxiety when Elijah is undergoing his tests, I remind myself, GOD ALREADY HEALED HIM! If he can do it once, he will continue to do it! The reality is, Faith is the EVIDENCE of things hoped for... which means knowing God will do what's in the UNKNOWN!!
So instead of saying to us "Keep Having the Faith" or "He will be ok" Take a moment and pray, not only for Elijah, but for the rest of us, continuing on this journey with Elijah. It's never easy thinking about remission, and if it may return!! I know I must continue to keep having Faith. In the End He is Still cancer free! God proves himself to be faithful and true no matter the outcome, and he is still GOD... I don't need to be reminded to keep having the Faith, I already know, cause I live it!! I live by Faith! It is the only thing I hold onto. I will always continue to Speak HEALTH over my son no matter what the enemy throws into my head!! It aint easy is all Im sayin!!
Love every single one of you and thank you for trying to understand!!! GOD BLESS YOU!